I'm actually doing well. I've been feeling at peace at time, despite the usual work drama. Tony and Bryant have been away on vacation for the past three weeks, this being the last of the three weeks. They return on Sunday I believe. Things have been very very quiet at the house since they've been gone. It's going to feel wired having them back.
I'm doing okay. I haven't been sad or depressed, nor have I been getting too angry at myself. Well sometimes angry, but I've been dealing with it quite well. Eric has helped a lot. Along with spending quality time with Alvin, Jerry, and even Tabitha. I haven't made any trips to Boston or Providence like I planned, but I've gone to Pride, which was meh, I've been Working out more, which at the moment, my body is aching. I've been learning to enjoy my alone time more and doing my best not to focus on the things I don't have. It hasn't been easy, but it's getting easier to deal with.
End of this month will mark 10 months I've been smoke free...there are still moments were I think about it and miss it. telling myself, I could just sneak one. No one is around to really judge me, I'm a grown as man I can do what I want..stupid shit like that. But then I keep thinking about the gym and how my lung complicity would suffer..Then, I'd remember the countless nights, I'd waking up coughing over and over trying to clear my lungs. it's not worth it. plus I can burn 10 or more dollars every other week on other things that wont kill me. so then the desire fades.
I love Eric. He's a great guy, he's patient with me and he comforts me so much. I don't feel so alone when were together. I have noticed my desires for other have been getting stronger the longer I keep looking at Instagram and all the guys I'm attracted to. But I know those are fantasy's and not my reality. We've had some issues involving me giving too much of myself to others, and he expressed his dislike of me making myself too available to tony. I promised i'd do better and I feel as if I have.
He knows that I'll put him first now above anyone else..well myself first, then him. He really wants me to focus on myself first and really explore myself. I'm blessed to have him in my life. he brings me peace!
So, there's a lot more to update you on, but I've got to run for now..finishing up a double shift.
I love you and I'll write to you again.
love,
David.
