Dear Rene, Opened up an old wound.

hey Rene,

Yesterday and old wound was opened. I got to work and was talking to Joey about Halo and then he mentioned this quiz he took a while back while attending couples therapy for him and Ami. There relationship was fine, but he wanted to see if there was anything he and her could improve upon to face any adversity before it got too out of hand. He told me about the language of love quiz. the results of the quiz would tell you what your hierarchy of needs would be in terms of being in a relationship.

Do you communicate and crave more physical affection, more verbal Affirmations, Action oriented, do you show affection more through gifts and tangible items?

Long story short, my top 2 hierarchy of needs are physical touch and verbal affirmations. After taking the quiz i started to feel this sadness. Well more then sadness, a sorrow, a lost. I wanted Love. Someone to Love me. I keep telling myself that i don't need it and that I'd rather walk alone then ever get hurt or disappointed again.

But I still feel this need and desire for it. it's made me feel depressed again and lost. Another issue which has been bothering me has been getting Tony a christmas present. Since I've got some money coming in and I know he's been wanting a nintendo switch for a long time, I decided to get one for him. At first I was unsure because I felt it was something his boyfriend should get him. but he hasn't, his reasons are his own, I just feel, if i'm over stepping my bounds. I asked byrant and he suggested buying something else like a game or gift card to go towards the system. I told him the truth I'd rather buy the system since he already bought a limited edition zelda controller for it. he said, " you know him better then me" and I said, " No, you definitely know him better then I do"  I wanted to say, " Hell, he feel in love with you instantly.

but the real issue is, why do I find this so difficult? I was fine less then 72 hours ago..what's changed where these old feelings are coming up and I'm feeling angry and sad again. Thinking I made a emotional mistake? But it's just all my personal shit

it's the combination of me having to uproot my life because of my mistake, it's the end of the year, it's the biggest holiday for togetherness, and it's there 1 year anniversary.

I'll get over it. it's about me, not them.