Dear Rene, heartless

Dear Rene, I've decided that my goal for today is to be heartless, detached from the sources that cause me grief. I'm not going to care.
Last night i got a huge reminder why I don't need a relationship.

Abuse, afraid of being alone, stupidity. Spoke to a friend last night for an hour.. He usually only messages me when he needs something.. Story of my life. Told me he's been depressed and him and his boyfriend broke up twice and reconciled. His name is Ish.. And his boyfriend name is Ephraim. Long story short.. Ephraim, in my opinion is not a good thing for ish.. But Ish doesn't want to be alone.. So he puts up with it and feels sorry for the kid. Oh Ish is in his 40s now while this kid is 32..so therefore kid. He has a shitty family, 2 felonys, stole and crashed Ish car, and Ish doesn't trust him. Yet.. He claims to love him. Ephraim punched him in the mouth.. And drew blood.. Yet, he still loves him. And is giving him one more chance cause he says he's the only real family he has..

Ish is an idiot.. But i can understand not being able to let go.. Still.. Its a reminder for me why i shouldn't be attached in the first place. That fear of loosing someone.. It outweighs the sadness of being alone.

Whenever I have a thought today, I'm going to remind myself that, it's ok and I'm going to be ok.. And that I don't need the pain of a relationship. That's what I'll do today.