It's been a while.. I'm alive. I'm breathing. I've been working alot and trying to keep my head on striaght and my emotions intact. I've been learning what is means to be alone. Some of my lessons have brought me peace and others despair.
I just got my paycheck and I want to burn it away. Like I want to buy things that will give me pleasure.. Like the faster I spend it on pleasure then the things that give m pain can't take it away from mr..like Bills and debt. I Know it sounds stupid. I was broke 2 days ago just prying that the 20 bucks I put into my gas tank would last me till pay day.. It has and I'm thankful. I out off buying my AC because I have bills to pay off first, a ticket to mail off, and have to make sure my account doesn't go into negative again. I'm trying to to be responsible.. But I can't stop this itching desire that I want to spend money on something that will make me happy. The phrase =psy yourself first= comes to mind. I thought buying food for myself was enough but there's a book i want that will cost me 12 bucks to buy and I keep telling myself I want it and that I'd like to buy it.. But I Know I'll never read it. I just want it to want it.
So I did it.. I ordered these two novels that I wanted. Cost me $27. 00. I'll live with it. I belive it will make me happy and besides.. One more double shifts and I'll make up the 27 bucks. I feel better about spending 27 dollar then dropping $300 right know on a AC that I won't be able to really use till next weekend anyway.
Thanks for listen
I love you, Imzadi
Dave
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