making progress

Dear Rene,

I'm making progress I feel.

It's only Day 2, but I feel different. Like I feeling a bit more at peace with myself. I've just got one more day left of work then I'm home free for 4 days. Going to the gym with Bryant seems like a good idea so far. so, let me give you an update.
The three letters I wrote to Bob, Jerry, and Alvin I sent out and got responses from Bob and Jerry. Jerry, just wanted to understand, Bob wanted me to acknowledge that I was a user, and Alvin, I'm still waiting on a response. I'l be honest, If I get a response at all from him. He's busy with issues of his own it seems. But, the Bridges are slowly being repaired. I don't know if I'll ever be able to look at any of them in the eyes after the way I acted.
A part of me, was hoping they'd drop me. All I know is that, if and when the time comes; when I see bob again, he's going to Bring this whole situation up as a way of him gaining some clarity and bringing it to a close on his end.
Perhaps I choose the wrong time to quit smoking. 
I still don't know what to do with Ish...
He's a temptation, now more then ever that him and his boyfriend broke up. Everything about this kids screams "Danger...Stay Away" And a Big Part of me agrees, But the fact that I feel that I can be relaxed around him and express how I feel about things truthfully, and have him understand, totally keeps me wanting to continue talking to him.
I'm asking for trouble, which is why I'm reminding myself of my vow and keeping my physical distance as best as possible.
I'm happy to say my feelings are burred for whatever I felt for Tony. I'm glad. I'm sorry to see them go, but I'm glad I can be around him and Bryant and not feel pain anymore. I feel detached from them and it's a good feeling. I care for both of them..but I'm glad my feelings of loss and loneliness is finally subsiding.
My Co-work, Cynthia says, I shouldn't give up on finding someone. I don't have to have a boyfriend, but I shouldn't give up on human relationships.  I'm not, I'm just being more selective of the people I choose to spend more time with. Like this Friday, I was going to treat Ish to lunch and let him tell me all about the shit show which was his recent break up with his boyfriend. But, Tabitha called while I was working and we made plans for lunch on Friday instead. Can't pass up a free lunch, plus being around Tabitha is a good thing. She brings Peace into my life. Everyone is pretty much working this weekend so I'll be left to my own devices.
I am going to go to the Movies, that much I'm sure about. I want to go see that new Shark movie. I've had some good moments over the summer. Going to the movies has been one of them.
Shit...that's one thing that I can say makes me happy. Going to the Movies, by myself, enjoying those recliner seats..feeling that the theater is all my own. Being at peace. The loneliness fades as soon as the lights go down.

ok, I need sleep. thanks for listening as always Rene, I love you so much..

David.